Serendipitous Spontaneity

It's true. I know that I'm a planner and I like to be in control. I let my inner coil tightly wind itself til the tension is too much to stand. I find an inner calm in a good outline. I know these things about myself. If we talk frequently, and I guess even if we don't, you might know that I'm in a stage of life in flux. I'm straddling the border of "who I was" and "who I want to be." And right in there is a little sweet spot, one I've just discovered called "who I am." This is a new place for me settle in, and I'm liking what I've found thus far.

In recent months I've decided to live a little. To meet new people and go new places. Try new things I just wouldn't have entertained before. It's been great, but I still have plenty of room for growth. Thankfully, I'm surrounded by quality friends who are much more spontaneous than I, and are willing to show me the ropes to living a life with more adventure. Late night movies, popcorn, scrambled eggs and lack of sleep characterized the beginnings of my efforts at transformation, and I'm thankful for the slight shoves outside my comfort zone. Not every decision I've made on the fly has been my best or brightest, and I've tripped and scraped my knees a couple times for sure. But there's a beauty in that. I've learned a lot from those moments, finding key pieces of myself I wouldn't have otherwise discovered without those mini mishaps. 

This weekend I took my personal task to a new level. I ventured to a new city with an old pal and a new friend with not an item on the agenda. I would be lying if I said that in the days leading up to my little escapade I didn't have an inner struggle letting go of the reins, and walking out without a concrete plan. If I really want to spark a change, I need to not only counteract my feelings of uptightness and anxiety, I need to squash them. It was time to be a guinea pig and take a leap of faith. My own personal experiment was to enjoy the weekend with full willingness to accept wherever the road may take us. I was not going to pick an activity, location, or destination. I would become a "yes" woman. Want to get lunch here? Sure. Lets go look at this gallery. Okay. Want to check this out tonight? Sounds great.

And you wouldn't believe it. I had a great time. I may have come off as lazy, (if so, I'm sorry!) not offering suggestions or making many decisions, but I had accepted my challenge. It was serendipitous, living in the moment. Enjoying myself right now, in this place, with this person because there's no master plan. We don't have to be anywhere by any time. It's liberating and fulfilling because as a friend once said to me "just do what feels right." So I did, and I'm determined to do more of it. The days and nights where the unexpected happened, where you let your guard down and decide to have a little fun, and you choose to pay attention to your emotion, to just do what feels right and to be driven by what you want right then, those are the vivid memories and life-changing experiences that you deny yourself when too concerned with control.

Tomorrow I'm journeying home to the Buckeye State, planning a month of adventures for my last few weeks of complete freedom with friends, new and old. I'll soon be off to NYC and Chicago, and am bursting with excitement for the surprises that await us. And you know what the first item of that agenda is? To be spontaneous. Now that's a plan I think I can stick to.