Say what you need to say.

"I'm in love with you, and I'm not in the business of denying myself the simple pleasure of saying true things. 

I'm in love with you, and I know that love is just a shout into the void, that oblivion is inevitable, and that we're all doomed and there will come a day when all our labor has been returned to dust, and I know the sun will swallow the only earth we'll ever have, and I am in love with you."

Augustus Waters. 
The Fault in Our Stars (John Green)

I'm not in the business of denying myself the simple pleasure of saying true things either, Augustus. And I think that's why when I read The Fault in Our Stars, this line blew up the page. My eyes skimmed it once, twice, ten times. How often do we deny ourselves the pleasure of saying true things in the name of fear? 

I am that person, you are that person. The one who fears rejection and uncertainty and imperfection. I continue to struggle in the battles of self-worth, accepting love from others, and presenting the truest and most authentic version of myself. But I fight the good fight every day. I don't win all the time - and neither will you. We are in this messy, muddy, one-day-at-a-time thing called life together. Putting yourself out there for the world to see, to judge, to nitpick and throw their nose up at - I am convinced it is the most difficult thing to do. But it is also the most rewarding.

We all live life with things unsaid. Actions we wish we would have taken. We all harbor alternate lives that have gone unlived because we chose to stay in the safe zone. There are regrets in life and we don't get take-backs or redos. You can't change what has (not) been done. But you can choose to be brave. You can choose to say the words that come to your mouth and are bursting from your seams. You know what I mean. The "don't do it", the "I'm so sorry", the "I love you".

I try to embrace straightforwardness. Saying the tough stuff. There's an uneasiness that bubbles in my stomach and a tightness that swells in my chest when something feels unresolved and there are words still left to thrust into the void of space and time and life between you and me. Putting your heart and soul out on the table - handing the pieces of you on a silver platter over to someone who could readily squash it with hammer in hand - GAH it's frightening. 

But there is a thriving that happens when telling someone: "You are wonderful." "You are beautiful." "You mean the world to me." "You are a good person." And even sometimes: "That really hurt me." "I can't do this." "Stop." I want to live my life with truth on my lips.

I wish I had some dramatic tale of love and loss or a moment of realization - the "Aha! I finally understand and my life is forever changed" kind of story to tell you. But that's not really the way it all works. You live your life, you have regrets, and with time you learn that life is just a bit more of something good without things left unsaid. Life is fuller, life is better when you let the words pour out. When you shut down those silly little voices in your head that lock up your heart. When you step into the light and claim your feelings. This life could all end tomorrow, with all the thoughts in my head and feelings in my heart hidden away from the people who put them there. But I won't let it happen like that. 

There's a freedom in unshackling yourself from the doubts and insecurities you harbor within your little world and sharing them with the people surrounding you. This is a call, a prompting, and challenge - to stay the tough stuff. To make the hard decisions. To embrace the challenge of putting your whole self out there for the someone else to see. Because it's big. And it's scary. And sometimes it can be down right weird to just let it out. We've been conditioned to live within the lines of what someone somewhere at some time deemed "appropriate" behavior. Where we run around in circles acting like we're fine when we're not. I say to hell with that. Screw perfect. I'd rather be brave and fly - fly with my highs and lows and honesty and truth and fullness. Sometimes it's going to hurt, that's just the way it goes. But I refuse to look back one more time and wish I had laid it all out and not walked away. 

There is something magical about letting people know you want them and need them and that they are special and important to you and that there's nothing more you want than to be with them in this very moment and for all of eternity. And sometimes it's grabbing a hand to hold. Or saying how you miss them so much it hurts. It's letting someone else know that you just want to hold them because being as close to them as humanly possible is in this moment the most magnificent thing in the world.

There is nothing more beautiful than being bold and being brave with your life. And there is nothing more hazardous to the human condition than masking your heart's desire. 

We will never know the magic that can stir between ourselves and other human beings without taking the leap. Mail the letter. Send the email. Say the words. It's really really scary, but so is a life of regret and all the words tossed aside in the name of fear. 

There is no time to waste, for time is precious and limited. We are finite, perishable items, and you might never feel ready. It's a disservice to yourself to believe you'll ever be ready or that a place exists where things such as perfect and prepared and finished exist at once. No one is ever ready to do much of anything, and if you wait until you are you'll be standing still forever. There is no such thing as ready, there is only now. So bring all your beautiful words to the surface, speak your truths, and choose to live out loud. Burst at the seams. 

Now.

Now.

Now.